Trust doesn't work like that

I keep seeing versions of the same claim: that trust is the natural result of psychological safety. Or that it can be engineered through a formula.

That's tidy. It's appealing and it's convenient.

It's also not true.

Psychological safety may create the conditions where trust could grow. But that's all they are: conditions. Trust is never automatic, and never unilateral. It's not a reward for checking the right boxes.

Trust is a decision. It’s someone else's decision.

And that changes everything.

Trust works like foreign currency. It's never strong in general, only strong against something else. The dollar is not stronger overall; it is stronger than the euro, the yen, whatever you're measuring it against. Trust operates the same way: relational, contextual, and maddeningly specific. You might be someone's anchor while remaining someone else's question mark.

Here's the thing: you can create the perfect conditions (open communication, demonstrated competence, unwavering reliability) and still manufacture nothing. You can create the environment where trust might grow, but the seed belongs to someone else entirely.

The other person chooses to trust. It doesn't happen automatically. Their history, their scars, their appetite for vulnerability are all variables you'll never control, no matter how trustworthy you become.

Which leaves you with a paradox in human connection: you can perfect your trustworthiness but never guarantee their trust. You can tend the garden but not force the bloom.

So create the conditions and then wait.

You can knock. But the door has to be opened from the other side.

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