The Problem with "Leading by Example": Why Being Original Matters More

Essay 002

Leadership isn’t about setting a model for others to copy. It’s about being an original—sparking uniqueness over imitation.

For as long as I’ve been in management development, there’s one phrase that has never sat right with me: “leading by example.” You hear it everywhere, as if it’s the golden rule for managerial influence. I’ve even found myself repeating it on occasion, but each time I say it, it leaves a strange taste in my mouth. There’s an aversion there—a resistance that I haven’t quite been able to articulate until now.

But reading a long study on exemplarity, I started to find some clarity on why I’m uncomfortable with “leading by example.” What I realized is that this concept, while well-meaning, may actually be working against the very authenticity and originality that true leadership requires.

Here’s how I got there.

The Initial Dilemma: A Skepticism Toward Leading by Example

The idea of “leading by example” seems straightforward enough: managers are advised to model behaviors they wish to see in their teams, setting a standard through their own actions. This is meant to foster trust and cohesion—if people see you demonstrating the values you espouse, they’re more likely to adopt them, too, right?

But what bothers me is that “leading by example” seems to emphasize performative alignment with a predefined set of behaviors rather than genuine, value-driven originality.

When I say “leading by example,” I feel like I’m advocating for something that might ultimately produce copies rather than individuals. And that’s where it rubs against the grain for me.

Enter a Spanish thinker: Exemplarity as a Call to Be an Original

Then I encountered Gomá Lanzón’s philosophy on exemplarity. He says it’s not about deliberate influence. It’s about being, not demonstrating; it’s an embodied authenticity that invites others to engage with their own values. He emphasizes a form of exemplarity that doesn’t present itself as a model to follow but rather as a presence that others might find inspiring for its genuineness.

The difference is subtle but significant. Where “leading by example” implies a transactional influence—“I show, therefore you do”—Gomá’s vision is organic and centered on integrity. It’s not about setting an example for the sake of others but about living out one’s values authentically and openly. Others may choose to follow, but the intention isn’t to direct or shape them. In fact, the most powerful kind of influence in Gomá’s framework comes from someone simply being an original.

Wrestling with Exemplarity: Being an Original vs. Leading by Example

With this new perspective, I started examining why Gomá’s distinction between “being” and “leading by example” felt so liberating. I realized that “leading by example” subtly promotes imitation. When leaders act as living templates, the focus shifts to emulation rather than self-exploration. This can inhibit the very originality that gives culture its depth. The outcome? A culture of followers rather than individuals, of adherence rather than authenticity.

Being an original, on the other hand, invites others to pursue their own authenticity. Gomá’s exemplarity doesn’t simply permit individuality—it calls for it. It isn’t about transmitting qualities for others to copy but about embodying values that might resonate with others, giving them the courage to explore what they stand for without pressing them into a mold. Here, exemplarity isn’t about direction but inspiration. It’s about existing in such a way that others feel empowered to become more themselves.

Practically Speaking: Exemplarity as a Presence, Not a Performance

Imagine a manager who embodies patience, curiosity, and resilience—not because they’re trying to lead by example but because those qualities are simply part of who they are. They’re not performing patience in meetings or resilience in challenges to set a standard. Instead, they’re living those qualities, creating a subtle but palpable influence that others might find grounding or inspiring. Their presence invites reflection, not imitation.

So, what does this mean for managerial influence? I think it calls for a shift from modeling behaviors to fostering an environment where people feel free to explore their own values. Exemplarity in Gomá’s sense encourages each person to be original—to bring forth qualities that are true to themselves, contributing to the collective culture without mimicking any individual’s traits.

Solving the Riddle: From Leading by Example to Being an Original

Ultimately, Gomá’s perspective helped me solve the riddle of my aversion to “leading by example.” It’s not that leading by example is inherently flawed—it’s that it can all too easily become a form of mimicry, where influence is wielded as a subtle directive rather than a quiet invitation. When we focus on being an original, we embrace an influence that’s not only less coercive but more transformative.

In place of “leading by example,” I’ve come to embrace “being an original.” It might not have the same symmetry, but it has more soul.

Exemplarity, when grounded in originality, invites others into exploration, free to find their values, rather than trying on someone else’s. This kind of influence doesn’t just foster trust—it cultivates the kind of authenticity that creates cultures of real depth and resilience.

The aversion is gone. And in its place, a framework that feels true to what leadership is all about: not creating copies, but inviting others into originality.

Before You Go

These reflections have not only helped me untangle my aversion to “leading by example” but have also clarified my resistance to *authenticity* as a buzzword.

Authenticity, often used to justify polished self-presentation, misses the mark if it’s just about appearing “real” for others to echo. Instead, both being an original and embodying authenticity mean standing as *a voice, not an echo*. This doesn’t aim to create replicas or followers; it’s a call for others to recognize and voice their own originality.

Ultimately, true exemplarity isn’t about providing a model to imitate but a presence that encourages others to uncover, not duplicate, their own. A voice invites others to step fully into themselves, rather than mimicking an echo. In the end, this may be the truest and most lasting kind of influence.

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Note:

Javier Gomá Lanzón’s thinking on exemplarity is unraveled over four books covering different dimensions of the topic: Imitación y experiencia, Aquiles en el gineceo, Ejemplaridad pública, and Necesario pero imposible. As far as I know, there are no English translations of his work yet.